The other night I found myself staring up at the ceiling as I laid in bed, fighting another battle with insomnia. I was following the cracks and lines along the ceiling that come from the wear and tear over the years, and I couldn’t help but compare it to the wear and tear we go through ourselves in life.
Like everyone else – I have been hurt. I’ve hit what I thought was rock bottom, been so hurt I thought I would never be able to trust or love again. My anxiety has always contributed to the feeling like whenever life is going great – something will inevitably happen, cracking my happiness to pieces.
Those little pieces have had to be put back together over and over. But, the damage is done, the cracks are there – and the walls I’ve built after each disappointment have to be rebuilt over and over – seemingly getting taller with each rebuild.
But maybe those cracks from being broken are the things that actually hold you together afterwards. You’re actually stronger because of them; you’re stronger because you know that even though you’ve been hurt – you survived and got through it.
Happiness will always find its way through the cracks.
I’ve spent a lot of time over the past few years trying to “find myself,” trying to work on some personal things and truly find the value in myself that I have lacked for far too long. I’ve had a complicted past, and while I’ll always be a work in progress dealing with everything, it’s my past that defines me. As complicated as it, and I, may be – that’s the truth of the matter.
While trying to work through my issues, I couldn’t help but remember that Sex and the City episode where Aiden explains to Carrie that sometimes, what actually looks like a flaw – can be a good thing.
Aidan: You see this piece?
[Aidan points out a spot where two pieces of wood meet on his artisan loveseat.]
This big old flaw right here?
It’s not a flaw, really.
It’s just the way the wood is.
I think it’s interesting, kind of beautiful.
Carrie: So, flaws can be good?
Aidan: Flaws are the best part.
Letting that happiness in won’t always be easy. You may be scared, hesitant even. There is the fear of letting down those walls and accepting the happiness we all truly deserve.
The fear of getting hurt again cannot be stronger than the desire for happiness and love though.
You will never know unless you try; unless you take that chance and believing in the universe. You have to take chances in life – after all, life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.
Life is not worth living without the excitement that comes with taking chances…and finding the faith to trust the happiness that the universe is putting in our path.