Our original honeymoon plan was to hop on a plane and head to Barbados for a couple of days of rest and relaxation. Between wedding planning (and the drama that came from it 🙄), to finding out we were expecting and then having an awful first trimester – a few days on a beach sounded like absolute bliss to me. Thank goodness for Mike and I’d procrastination though, because thanks to Mother Nature the plan of sunshine and virgin pina coladas was halted last minute. Hurricane Dorian hit the Caribbean with a vengeance, thus throwing our beach plan out of the question.
So, I got to brainstorming. We only had a few days to work with so it couldn’t be anything too far or with too long of a flight. I toyed with the idea of just renting a cottage up north for a few days, but when I saw that the prices were similar to an all-inclusive trip I said, oh heck no. The idea of heading to California was discussed, but I refused to spend my honeymoon in Trump’s American. Sorry, not sorry. So, it was back to the drawing board.
Neither Mike nor I had ever been to Europe, and I thought now would be a great chance to have an adventure just the two of us because the baybay will be making their appearance in no time and then this lil party of two will be a steady party of three for an extended amount of time. So, the next question was – where offers a short-ish flight from Toronto and where is somewhere we both want to visit?
Have you ever had one of those days where you just take a step back and say to yourself, “Holy smokes – what a day!” and then realise oh wait, it’s been more like a week…or month…or few months. Anyways – that’s where I am at. Between planning the wedding, getting physically assaulted by someone I had welcomed into my close circle, to finding out we were expecting, to getting married, having two additional weddings to go to after ours, and then finally heading out on our honeymoon – it’s been a good minute since I have had a chance to sit back and just have a relaxing night.
So when I saw that Just for Laughs (#JFL42) was coming back to Toronto this year, to say I was excited was an understatement! I so needed a night (or two) of basically shutting my mind off and just letting go with a few full-belly hearty laughs, you know?
But really, who doesn’t need that every now and then?!
I don’t even know how to start this blog post. I seriously don’t. I’ve sat in front of my computer, typing a sentence or two just to delete them and start from scratch, over and over again.
I’ve always wanted to be a mother. For as long as I can remember – that’s what I’ve wanted most in life. Sure, I had other dreams and aspirations throughout the years (being a teacher was one, for example), but the one that never wavered was wanting to be a mother.
As anti-feminist as some may take this (and I will wholeheartedly disagree with anyone who says such) – being a mother was all I ever wanted to be.
So when I felt “different” and decided to pee on multiple sticks ( /after 2 years of trying with the love of my life, but that’s gonna be a whole ‘notha blog post) and the tests finally turned positive – I was shocked when I wasn’t immediately overcome with the feeling of euphoria. Sure, I was happy – but my anxiety kicked right in and the self doubt immediately started.
When I found my dream wedding dress, I was so overwhelmed with emotions. I was crying, everyone I brought with me shopping that day was crying…random strangers in the store were coming up to me telling me it was the perfect dress for me as I walked back to the fitting room. It was a lot. Truthfully, the whole wedding dress shopping experience was A LOT and there’s so much that went on that I was not expecting. After trying on over 20 dresses, I’m here to share a few things I learned about wedding dress shopping.
The other night I found myself staring up at the ceiling as I laid in bed, fighting another battle with insomnia. I was following the cracks and lines along the ceiling that come from the wear and tear over the years, and I couldn’t help but compare it to the wear and tear we go through ourselves in life.
Like everyone else – I have been hurt. I’ve hit what I thought was rock bottom, been so hurt I thought I would never be able to trust or love again. My anxiety has always contributed to the feeling like whenever life is going great – something will inevitably happen, cracking my happiness to pieces.
Those little pieces have had to be put back together over and over. But, the damage is done, the cracks are there – and the walls I’ve built after each disappointment have to be rebuilt over and over – seemingly getting taller with each rebuild.